He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
