you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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