they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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