its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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