so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize