so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My balls are so social today.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
