Me too!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My balls are so social today.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
