I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
