FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
