Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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