I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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