I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
