if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
