So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
