Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
