I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
