My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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