Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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