cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
