Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
