Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dick very happy bro
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
