Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
