I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
