I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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