You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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