I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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