Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
