didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
