So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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