dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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