It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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