thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
