You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
