you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
