If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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