why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
