just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
