you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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