u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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