i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
