no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
