Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
