she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
