remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
