who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
