i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
smell my finger.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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