there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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