I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
