bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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