Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
