what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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