I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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