I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
