careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The best revenge is premature balding
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
