just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
