She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had sex on a dog bed..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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