I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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