We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
