my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
