i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you had me at cake vodka
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
