Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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