Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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