the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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