He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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