My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
