fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
