4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
His nipple licking is glorious
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