absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
