Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
