Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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