I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
