there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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