no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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