do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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