$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
