What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
