I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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