i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
