in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
