wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
