I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
