I wanna bring you to show and tell
Your tits are I can't wait for
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
