why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
